Comments for Northern Heart http://writtenfire.com A serial fantasy novel. Updates Wednesday and Saturday. Thu, 28 Aug 2008 14:02:46 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=abc Comment on Chapter XIII by anon y mouse http://writtenfire.com/archives/323#comment-584 anon y mouse Sun, 03 Aug 2008 01:01:03 +0000 http://writtenfire.com/?p=323#comment-584 :P Gasp! You revised the chapter? You can't do that! Oh wait, yes you can. :P “You’ll have to forgive me now; it’s time that I was going. - end quote? While I liked the flowery exchange and will miss it, I have to agree that this sound more in character than that did. Maybe Allen will be more romantic at the dance, that might fit better. I had to look up 'quotidian', interesting word. Sadly, I doubt I'll remember it. :( -A. mouse :P Gasp! You revised the chapter? You can’t do that! Oh wait, yes you can. :P

“You’ll have to forgive me now; it’s time that I was going. - end quote?

While I liked the flowery exchange and will miss it, I have to agree that this sound more in character than that did. Maybe Allen will be more romantic at the dance, that might fit better.

I had to look up ‘quotidian’, interesting word. Sadly, I doubt I’ll remember it. :(

-A. mouse

]]> Comment on Chapter XIII by nabi al-raml http://writtenfire.com/archives/323#comment-581 nabi al-raml Fri, 01 Aug 2008 16:00:46 +0000 http://writtenfire.com/?p=323#comment-581 I think the revised, less florid version has a much more natural feel for Allen. He's still romantic and a bit formal, but not so much as it's out of character. I positively adore the line "There was a distant cheering somewhere in his mind". It comes off, at least to my mind, as a bit British (or at least Bill Bryson-y), which I like. I think the revised, less florid version has a much more natural feel for Allen. He’s still romantic and a bit formal, but not so much as it’s out of character. I positively adore the line “There was a distant cheering somewhere in his mind”. It comes off, at least to my mind, as a bit British (or at least Bill Bryson-y), which I like.

]]> Comment on Chapter XIII by Chad-Writtenfire http://writtenfire.com/archives/323#comment-580 Chad-Writtenfire Fri, 01 Aug 2008 14:43:25 +0000 http://writtenfire.com/?p=323#comment-580 I've revised it a bit. It's less florid now. I shouldn't write late at night. I’ve revised it a bit. It’s less florid now. I shouldn’t write late at night.

]]> Comment on Chapter XIII by Chad-Writtenfire http://writtenfire.com/archives/323#comment-579 Chad-Writtenfire Fri, 01 Aug 2008 13:39:20 +0000 http://writtenfire.com/?p=323#comment-579 The chapter probably is too short for what I did with it; given the way I've written Allen to date this comes as a large shift in the narrative. Perhaps I will revise this and find a happy medium between a high romantic and a quotidian tone. The chapter probably is too short for what I did with it; given the way I’ve written Allen to date this comes as a large shift in the narrative.
Perhaps I will revise this and find a happy medium between a high romantic and a quotidian tone.

]]> Comment on Chapter XIII by anon y mouse http://writtenfire.com/archives/323#comment-578 anon y mouse Fri, 01 Aug 2008 07:46:18 +0000 http://writtenfire.com/?p=323#comment-578 Wow! I didn't know he had it in him. He must have read a lot of Shakespeare or something as a kid. Whatever it was, it definitely showed a different side of Allen, one we really haven't had a chance to see or guess at. I took what Allen said seriously, and hope he meant it that way. I like Jaella; I don't want him to be toying with her. I don't think he'd be the type to do that. Kilin might be more likely to do something like that, but I don't think that's very likely either. I was half expecting Jaella to say, 'I'd love to go to the dance with you ... but, I already promised to go with someone else'. That kind of thing seems to happen a lot, and I'm glad that didn't happen here. Will Allen make a fool of himself at the dance? Will Kilin gain great glory in battle? Will Jaella ever get her assignment papers? Tune in next time... (when none of these questions will be answered!) ;) It may have been a short chapter, but it was a good chapter. -A. mouse Wow! I didn’t know he had it in him. He must have read a lot of Shakespeare or something as a kid. Whatever it was, it definitely showed a different side of Allen, one we really haven’t had a chance to see or guess at. I took what Allen said seriously, and hope he meant it that way. I like Jaella; I don’t want him to be toying with her. I don’t think he’d be the type to do that. Kilin might be more likely to do something like that, but I don’t think that’s very likely either.

I was half expecting Jaella to say, ‘I’d love to go to the dance with you … but, I already promised to go with someone else’. That kind of thing seems to happen a lot, and I’m glad that didn’t happen here.

Will Allen make a fool of himself at the dance? Will Kilin gain great glory in battle? Will Jaella ever get her assignment papers? Tune in next time… (when none of these questions will be answered!) ;)

It may have been a short chapter, but it was a good chapter.

-A. mouse

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