Comments on: Chapter IX

By: V

Sun, 12 Oct 2008 16:50:13 +0000

One part of the chapter that really grabbed me is this section:
“Whatever she was, and whatever her purpose, he no longer worried that it would harm him.

There was, he figured, a distinct possibility that it would kill him. But that was a different matter, physical rather than spiritual.”

I also had a small hiccup at “to see her for real in the night” as I don’t usually see that construction in literature–it’s more linked with “IRL” and the internet. However, it’s quickly becoming part of our language and this was a good, appropriate place for it. After I stopped to think about it I quite like it.

By: Chad-Writtenfire

Chad-Writtenfire — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 21:32:13 +0000

Jeweler’s is fine with one “l”. The double “l” is a variant. Passersby is usually hyphenated as passers-by, but I deliberately left the hyphen out and made it one word. I haven’t been revising the last half-dozen chapters; I just put them up when I’m done with them, and they usually have typos here or there that I’ll correct eventually. Thanks for pointing out the tipos. I did take your suggestions in the last chapter.

But remember that spelling is an idiosyncratic art, Cat. Punctuation is too. Ask Joyce, Eliot, Cummings, and Pound. Grammar is a matter of descriptive and proscriptive rules, and for the most part spelling is descriptive–something medievalists are very familiar with after reading Old and Middle English and seeing all of the commonly accepted variants.

The dictionary is a valuable resource, but it’s also limiting. Stifling.

I’m glad you’re excited about the story. Allen is going to go in search of the sleeping beauty one way or another, whether he wants to or not.

By: cat

cat — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 20:43:37 +0000

More gremlins…
“Besides, he thought as he paused beside a jeweler’s window” … jeweller’s has 2 l’s. As in, traveller. Or jewellery.

“By a stroke of fortune it seemed no other passersby had been aware of the blessing” … passers by is 2 words, it’s one of those split infinitive grammatical annoyances.

I enjoyed this chapter, I like getting inside someone’s head. You don’t have time to be moody about dinner dates Allen, you have a Sleeping Beauty to wake up! Go find that armour and trusty steed! (lol)

By: anon y mouse

anon y mouse — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 00:18:15 +0000

Poor Kilin. I hope that goes well; or at least not as badly as Allen expects. And he gets to meet Jaella’s family; there are several ways that could be interesting.

I think Allen is becoming more in tune with his goddess and he doesn’t even realize it. It’s usually a slow process though, so someone will probably have to point it out to him for him to notice. And he might not even then.

Funny thing happened when I started reading this on Thursday; I had to stop in the middle of it. So the half-written chapter a while back, comes back to haunt me.

By: nabi al-raml

nabi al-raml — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 03:40:17 +0000

Nice. I really liked Allen’s inner musings and for some reason the line about harm vs. kill really grabbed me.

The mysterious goddess appears! And appears to have some connection to the moon. Although the crescent moon is usually a good female symbol (or at least has been retconned as so if the former isn’t the case) so she doesn’t necessarily have to have a direct connection. It’ll be interesting to see what comes of her (obviously big things) and the two familial dinners.